Do you ever feel like your life is moving forward but it’s leaving you behind? Sitting here on this quiet Sunday, I’m reflecting on the changes that have taken place recently…
Last May, I graduated college without a clue as to what I wanted to do. I then moved from Texas back to my home state of California. Shortly after that, my best friend moved as well, joining me at my Mom’s house, where we lived for 3 months. In October, we moved to a one-bedroom apartment in Los Angeles. We were living in Brentwood, she had a job in Venice, and I was burning through what little money I had saved like no body’s business. For those 3 months, I was more lost than I have ever been.
Then, the week before Christmas, I had my third interview with an entertainment advertising agency that was located—wait for it—two blocks from where my roommate worked in Venice (and it was only another two blocks from the agency to the ocean I might add). The day after my third interview, I received an offer letter with a salary expressed annually and some crazy things called benefits (still not entirely sure what those are).
In the month of January, I started a full-time, big kid job, signed a year’s lease, and moved into a town house in Culver City with my friend, just three miles from where we both worked.
I thought moving away from home and going out of state to college was hard. I thought my parents’ divorce was hard. But the raw new-ness of my life these days is almost indescribable.
My first week at my new job was the most overwhelming thing I’ve ever experienced. Unlike my previous internships or part-time jobs, where there was always a general end in sight, this new commitment is indefinite. There is a serious learning curve, too: figuring out the system by which things are done, getting to know the personalities of the clients, not to mention the names and personalities of the people I now work with on a daily basis. But the part that terrified me the most about that first week was the foreboding feeling that I had just signed my life away and committed myself for an indefinite amount of time. I think deep down I am still unsure whether LA is the right place for me. Yet here I am working full time, signing a year’s lease, and learning the ins and outs of a job that is completely foreign to me. I don’t know if everyone experiences these fears to some degree, but I worry that my lack of a grand life plan will cause me to lose myself in the momentum of work and money and the ultimate objective of success.
There are so many things I want to do, yet can I concretely picture myself doing them? Being swept up in this whirlwind journey is not a bad thing if it’s leading me to where I ultimately want to go. But where exactly is that? How do I turn my vague dreams into actual plans for the future?
For the time being, the majority of these questions will just have to be left unanswered. But for today, I can make a budget, and start putting some of my newfound income toward future adventures, whatever they may be.